I miss having a best friend. That person who is just always there in your life. Who you constantly text and who knows everything about your life, and you know everything about theirs. That person who you tell everyone’s secrets to, because it doesn’t even count as telling – you trust them 100% and tell them everything. Their secrets will never pass your lips. Their house is basically your house, their parents are basically your parents, and visa versa.
I haven’t had the best luck with best friends, we always seem to just drift apart and lose contact. Which happens, people live their own lives, you go off to different schools, or universities, live in different parts of the country, just have other things to do and you never seem to meet up.
But I find that hard. I don’t cope well with that whole parting, and then coming back and acting like nothing has happened thing. Picking up right where you left off. With some friends I do. But others, I can’t stop focusing on how we haven’t kept in touch, we haven’t even text each other in months, and why is that? Should we just part ways. But that’s a whole other can of worms about some other issues.
Basically, I miss that close contact. Of the friends I do still stay in contact with, we rarely see in other in person. I have grown to love my work friends, but it’s still not the same. I want someone who has running jokes with me that go all the way back to when we were kids. I want someone who knows me. My person.
I am now reconnecting with one of my old best friends. It’s still not how it was, and I don’t imagine it ever will be. It’s awkward and stilted, but it’s nice to reminisce about old times. I know that a big part of my problem is my attitude towards my friends, my reluctance to make the effort. And if I want I this kind of connection with someone, then I have to put myself out there and give what I’m wanting to get.