I don’t like trains.
I love trains.
Can you do both? Can you love something that causes you so much anxiety?
I love the process of going on a journey, going somewhere new and exciting. An adventure. I don’t use trains for my everyday commute, and so to me they signify going somewhere far off.
And they’re normally quite long journeys. You need a good book, or playlist, snacks or a TV show, then you settle down for the journey.
But I also hate them. They’re such a huge cause of my anxiety. They can be so busy, and there’s the whole seat thing. Do you get an assigned seat, or do you wing it? What if someone’s in your seat? Do you say ‘please can you move’ when the rest of the train is reasonably quiet, or just sit somewhere else, but then what if it gets busier and then you’re in someone’s seat and you have to go back to them and say well, now I do need you to move? While you may think that that is a simple process, that idea scares the hell out of me. There’s also the whole, am I in the right seat? issue for the whole journey, am I on the right train, have I booked my tickets for the right day?
I don’t know why it’s just trains. I’m brilliant at airports. I can do buses. I can do tubes. Trains stress the hell out of me.
But I made it. And I had a nice day. And I’m getting better at it.