(9/2/17) Being Naked and Loving My Own Body

I don’t like being naked.

Not a lot of people do, when pushed about it, I suppose.

But I think that would be in the context of other people mainly. I don’t like being naked even just when I’m alone.

I don’t like my legs, or tummy, or boobs. Especially not my boobs. There’s just something about being naked that makes me want to put clothes on as fast as possible. Being in underwear, I don’t mine. I’ll often laze around my room in my underwear. But how is that so much different?

I always wear knickers to bed. I don’t know when this habit started, probably when I was living with people in university. Sitting around in our pjs in the corridor of halls or the sitting room of our third year house, it just felt too much to be wearing so little. Maybe it started one summer when it was too hot for pj bottoms, so I was sleeping in my underwear, then I kept it up in case I ended up too hot and had to slide my bottoms off but keep my underwear on. I don’t know?

I went through a phase of wearing my bra to bed too. I know people who would think this is a form of torture, who tear their bras off as soon as they get in the house. But I don’t like being braless, purely because I don’t like my boobs. They’re very small, barely an A cup, but they’re also not typical ‘boob’ shape. Now, I know, I know, there’s no such thing as typical when it comes to boobs. All boobs are good boobs, small ones, saggy ones, pointy ones, I know. I’m a huge advocate of body positivity and destroying the insane ideas that there is only one way to have a ‘good’ body. But it’s much easier to believe in that sort of stuff when you’re not talking about your own body and your own insecurities.

And so, I like wearing bras because they give my boobs more of a ‘boob’ shape. They’re more rounded and pushed up and I feel almost sexy in a good bra. I’m quite short, I’m chubby, and I have minuscule boobs, so sometimes it feels like I’m in a child’s, underdeveloped body.

(Also, this is not me saying that small boobs are bad. Small boobs have so many positives! (But also, not saying big boobs don’t!) All boobs are good and all bodies are good, these are just my insecurities that I’m talking about, not bodies as a whole.)

And so for bed, I would prefer to wear a bra rather than have these two tiny little pointy things sticking out from under my top. It would be worse if it wasn’t a really loose top, and you could see the shape a bit clearer.

Nowadays I don’t wear a bra to bed. I sort of phased it out by wearing crop tops or cami tops with a built in bra/shelf thing in, but mostly I’m just braless for bed now. Which I’m happy with. It’s bad for your boobs and back to wear bras to bed (I think?) and it was quite uncomfortable.

Knickers for bed is still something I’m phasing out. I just feel more comfortable and at ease with them on, but I don’t know the psychology behind that. It can also be bad for your vagina to wear underwear so much, especially if it’s not 100% cotton. You’ve got to let her breathe.

I don’t really know the point of this post, other than to list out my own insecurities? It’s been something that’s been on my mind lately, as I rush to dress after a shower and spend as little time naked as possible. I’m going to try and change this. To just hang out with myself naked and enjoy it, appreciate myself, reaffirm to myself that my body is a good body, a beautiful body, a body that doesn’t need to change in anyway.



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