Nothing had changed from the day before, when I felt a bit lifeless, unreasonably sad, and wanting to isolate myself.
I didn’t feel completely better, and something at work in which I thought I’d totally messed up but actually hadn’t, so my anxiety was really bad for some of the day. But overall I felt better.
And then I came home from work and was having tea and my mam asked me if everything was okay. And not just in a casual ‘how was your day’ way. But in a serious ‘is everything actually okay’ way that she uses when she thinks somethings wrong but I’m not telling her. And she’s normally right.
And part of me wanted to tell her how I’d feeling lately, how I was feeling more down a lot more often than usual. But the part of me that won was the part of me that didn’t want to make a big deal out of how I was feeling and would hope it would pass in a day or two.
But it made me feel comforted and safe that she knew that something was up. She didn’t press it but I have no doubts that if I’d stayed in that mood or get any worse she would have intervened again. I’m just grateful that she can read me so well, and so often she asks the questions to get me to talk when I need to, but don’t really know what to say or how to bring it up.
So this is just a shout out post to my mam. I love you, and thank you.